The Last Orgy in Tibet
February 24, 2020

Abstract nudes in garish primary colors cover the walls of the dirty, trash-filled living room of a bizarrely symmetrical second-floor apartment in the city. In the small kitchen, dishes fill the sink; the remains of a colorful meal for two sit on the table. The nominally separate bedroom is filled with books. In back-center the bathroom invites the eye.

MAZY (sitting on the floor looking in a disproportionately large triangular mirror as Susannah, seated on an orange couch, braids her blue hair):I want to give you a hint, I do, but the gods ain’t nice, glory be to them, so why should I be? Besides, this is Tibet.

SUSANNAH: Did he say, ‘gosh, this sure is a good blowjob?’ I don’t know, Mazy, just tell me.

THEO (entering without knocking):Cuckoo! Cuckoo!

SUSANNAH: You dishonor us, Theo! We are not fully dressed.

THEO: I was just down the street across from Louanne’s eating a bagel, a very bad bagel by the way, and you wouldn’t believe what I saw Isaac Rudd and her doing.

MAZY: Mr. Rudd and Louanne?

THEO: The very same.

SUSANNAH: Suppose you leave while we finish getting dressed, Theo?

THEO: Have you started?

SUSANNAH: I was about to.

MAZY: I wasn’t. I think I might stay naked all day.

THEO: How delightful! I think I’ll join you.

SUSANNAH: Please don’t.

THEO: Why not? I’m quite confident Don would appreciate the degree to which my balls itch. It’s very hot, you see, and —

SUSANNAH: That’s quite enough.

MAZY: What were you saying about Mr. Rudd and Louanne?

THEO: On my honor as a Tibetan, I witnessed them shooting a pornographic film.

SUSANNAH: Ew.

MAZY: Good for them!

THEO: I fall somewhere between. On the one hand, ew. On the other hand, good for them.

SUSANNAH: Louanne is an old friend of my grandmother’s. God, I hope —

MAZY: Think your grandma’s doing porn now, too?

THEO: And… it was doggystyle. Did I mention that? Very impressive, I thought, given the probable arthritis.

SUSANNAH (after a pause):Somebody fuck me.

THEO: Yeah?

SUSANNAH: Not you.

MAZY: I’ll go down on you if you do the dishes.

SUSANNAH: Do I have to do them now?

MAZY: Yes. Wait. No.

SUSANNAH: All right then.

THEO (turning away, but peeking):Needless to say, I’m glad I ate that bagel.

MAZY (mouthful of pussy):Why’s that?

THEO: If I hadn’t bought that bagel, I wouldn’t have seen Mr. Rudd having sex with Louanne, and the whole reason I came over here was to get that off my chest.

SUSANNAH: Don’s gonna be home soon.

THEO (after a pause):I saw my school teacher masturbating in her car in the parking lot when I was nine.

SUSANNAH: Lucky Theo.

THEO: You guys need any help over there?

SUSANNAH: Doing just — fine.

MAZY (cocking her head to listen):If I’m not mistaken, that was —

DON: Hell-o… what is this, an orgy?

SUSANNAH: Hi, we’re just —

MAZY: How was work, Daddy?

DON: Work was great. Just great. Pretty sure June’s coming by. That OK, Suze?

SUSANNAH (gasping):Sounds — sounds great.

MAZY: What do you call it when a guy ejaculates but doesn’t orgasm?

THEO: I don’t think there’s a word for that.

MAZY: But that’s definitely a thing, right?

SUSANNAH: Can you finish? I’m almost there.

THEO: It’s a thing all right.

DON: Damn this regrettable allocation of space!

SUSANNAH: Whew! (Panting.) What should we do now? Should we get dressed?

THEO: Want to create an idol and worship it?

MAZY: That sounds fun!

DON (from offstage):I want to worship the idol.

SUSANNAH: What would June think?

DON (entering):She’d be very disappointed, I’m sure.

SUSANNAH: Not for the first time, I bet.

MAZY: Ooh.

THEO: Shots fired! (A knock at the door.) I’ll get it. Who is it?

JUNE: Hurry up and let me in, it’s June, I’m fertile.

SUSANNAH: Um?

DON: She’s joking.

JUNE (entering):Uh. Hi. Hi Susannah. Glad you’re here. Cause, um… is it cool if Don gets me pregnant? I really want a baby. It’ll be our little secret. (Pause.) And Mazy’s and Theo’s. (Pause.) Please?

SUSANNAH: Uh, OK.

JUNE: It’s just that Don is so tall and handsome and smart and good in bed. I want my baby to be tall and handsome and smart and good in bed. That’s all.

SUSANNAH: OK. (Pause.) If the baby’s a girl, do you still want her to be tall and handsome and smart and good in bed?

JUNE: If it’s a girl, she’ll take after her mommy. (June and Don exit to the bedroom, where we can see and hear them fucking in an absurd dancelike fashion.)

SUSANNAH: Gotcha.

THEO: Well, here we are.

SUSANNAH: Nope.


Photo by Alexander Krivitskiy from Pexels

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